This moment of raw

uncertainty is

my altar.

This is joy. Sudden
joy at the appearance of faint blue perpendicular lines;
the elusive lines that stubbornly refused to appear after
three fertility treatments and numerous
emotional rollercoaster rides.
After many tests and besieging doubts suddenly,
in this moment, all
the unspeakable joy, anxiety, gratitude, love,
fear, disbelief, and raging pride explodes and pours
out from the volcano of my soul.
Between sobbing tears, I
blubber to my husband who
is in the bedroom getting ready for work. I am
paralyzed. He comes quickly,
fearful something is terribly wrong. The blue perpendicular lines are waving in the air.
It takes him a moment to process
the meaning
of these unexpectedly expected lines. This crossroads, in this most
unordinary of ordinary moments.  In this moment,
my tears, unabashedly falling
meet his cheek and we three are encircled in a Miraculous Love.
This is my altar.

Here, I lay the deep
uncertainty and countless future decisions. Here,
life forever and wonderfully changed, I lean into the unworthiness, plunging,
arms flailing,

into warm and salty hope.