On the laminated floor
there you sat.
Chubby legs extended,
blue stripped leggings,
bare toes,
fleshy and exposed.

Wispy black curls
framing those eyes;
those eyes that were
beginning to see,
to see my soul,
to reflect your soul.
Those dark brown eyes;
not just wide innocence.
Now a flash of
disbelieving anger at me,
with this first realization
that life does not
always meet expectations.

How can I explain this demand
in a way you will understand?
Can you not feel the
fullness of My Love
in this request?
How do I explain that
my thoughts cannot be
Your thoughts and
that my ways will not be
Your ways?

Those eyes just staring at me,
for an unknown eternity.
No hugs, no kisses, no
reassurances offered
capable of assuaging this
misunderstanding.

And then,
as your eyes blinked
and jerked away from mine,
unable to fully reconcile this
first of many heartbreaks.
I suddenly wonder
how often
I   am

this     child,
sitting on the floor
my legs extended,
giving God this
disbelieving look.

And God just stands there,
in the doorway of a bathroom
looking at me with such intense love,
blowing me kisses.
Pungent Grace all around,
but my fear of the dark chasm,
jerks me away.
I am unable to abide in or
comprehend the
Mystery.

Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash